I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
