if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize