Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
