Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My liver just broke up with me...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
