This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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