I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
