I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
