A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
