he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
