Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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