i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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