Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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