Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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