I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
