apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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