Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
