i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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