this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
