Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we're making bets on your personal life
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
