It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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