It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
