My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there was a trapeze. enough said
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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