your parents love me but you hate me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
