So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
