Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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