Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
