my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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