I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have fence marks all over my body
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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