I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
