I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
