you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize