you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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