I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
