He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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