My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize