He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
