I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
