You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
