we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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