Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize