dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
