he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
