Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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