so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
