nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
