I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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