There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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