Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
