just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
