You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
