3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
