Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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