On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need to sanitize my soul.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
