But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
