Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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