New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
