It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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