i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
