Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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