I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
