mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
