remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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