remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
