dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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