I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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