What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
