Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
