i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
