I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
