Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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