At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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