Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
