left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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