Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
