The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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