i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize