i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the liver wants what the liver wants
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This toilet bowl is my home.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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