We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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