Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
