i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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