considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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