Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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