just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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