i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize