Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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