Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize