he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize