well I can't set my house on fire every night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
