i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
