omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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