dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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