Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
