My first STD was from a foam party
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
