Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
