I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize