One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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