they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
