they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
