Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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