I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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