it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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