Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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