dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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