Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We talked him into tasing himself.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
